uncharacteristic hormonal rant.

I want to fall hopelessly and irrevocably in love.
I want to wake up in the morning and know that someone, anyone cares about me.
I want to know that I'm not worthless;
that I'm not the ugly duckling I've fashioned myself to be all these years.
I'm so exhausted of being lonely.
I'm so tired of being devoid of emotion;
of putting up a front to everyone but myself.
I don't need to do that.
I'm a girl, girls cry
but I hate feeling vulnerable.

i feel senior year dissolving before my eyes.

where has the time gone? it seems like only a day ago i was starting at my high school and now, in less than 3 months, i'll be leaving it forever for bigger and better things. recently, i've been thinking about just how short of a time i'll get to spend in my familiar halls with the people i've grown to love over these last four years. i think about how i'll miss the caesar salads on mondays and my daily chorus class filled with chorus nerds. i think about all the people who have already graduated and how i'm next on the list to walk down the aisle of the cathedral to the slow pace of pomp and circumstance.

in advanced women's chorus tonight, i looked at the freshmen. they look so young. it's so hard for me to believe that i looked that young when i first came to spalding. they all have the same faces of fear mixed with the feeling of newness i knew all too well at their stage of the journey. do they know what sort of crazy ride they're in for? do they know that they should treasure the time they have at this amazing school? i honestly hope they do. because it goes by in the blink of an eye. and once you blink, it's all gone.

i love you.

:)

http://money.cnn.com/2009/01/26/news/economy/obama_energy/index.htm?postversion=2009012613

i strongly dislike

the pittsburgh steelers.

CARDINALS ALL THE WAY!

actually

i hate memories sometimes. you see things and they remind you of things you miss. and then you get that feeling. you know what i mean? that feeling in your stomach. the one that fills your whole body with pangs of almost painful warmth...because you realize you can't go back no matter how much you may want to. to right the wrongs. to do what you wanted to do all along but, for one reason or another, didn't. but sometimes, you need memories. even the bad ones. to remind you of who you are.

ann coulter is an idiot

http://perezhilton.com/2009-01-12-mann-coulter-vs-the-ladies-of-the-view-today#respond

wtf. she's a dragon lady in almost every sense of the word. i don't think she's said one important thing in her whole life. she essentially gets paid to sit on her bony ass on national television spewing unfounded, sweeping generalizations about the left. why is she famous? why does she get published? fail.

you can fall for chains of silver

you can fall for chains of gold
you can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold..
and there's a place for us
you know the movie song
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong?

i really don't

want to go to school at all tomorrow. i don't think i've ever dreaded anything more than school tomorrow. i mean, it's going to be terrible and stressful. i'm never procrastinating again. do you ever put off doing something and you justify it by being like, "laura (or whatever your name is) of the future will take care of this. there's no need to do it now. let's go watch the office for 3 hours. yay"? well, laura of the future is not too happy with laura the procrastinator of the past at the moment. and that's for sure. i mean geez. i've pretty much set myself up for failure this and next week. BLAH.

my new year's resolution(s)

you know what? i'm tired of not knowing. i'm tired of not getting what i want out of life. i'm tired of holding back. of settling. of blindly accepting. i deserve so much better than the now and i'm going to get whatever is better this year. 2009 will be the best year of my life, and i'll make it to the moon even if i have to walk. no more half assing. i'm coming out of my cage; my protected, sheltered shell of suburban existence. now, watch me fly.

so save the "hi's", "nice to meet you's", and "how are you's?". my name is laura t. and i am me from now on.

p.s. i need to go to the beach.

enter 2009

the year i'll graduate; the year i'll go to college; the year i'll legally become an adult. i don't know about you, but i'm really excited.