another dream just now!

i dreamed that there was this woman staying with us in a weird version of our house (like i had a brother). she was very charming, and my "brother" really liked her. one day, though, i decided to look her up on the internet and i realized that she looked exactly the same as this wanted serial killer who had killed dozens of people by using her charm to get close to them. i showed my parents, and they sort of believed me but found her too charming to actually join me in doing something about it. so i came up with this really stupid plot to get her arrested. i just called the police and told them to take her. for some odd reason, it worked and she was arrested. the police, though, were this really strange kind of police and they didn't have any guns or anything legit. she flirted a lot with the policeman who was supposed to be looking after her. he, consequently, didn't pay much attention to what she was doing and it looked really easy for her to escape. i became terrified for my life, naturally. then for some reason, we got on a train. as we got on, the woman mouthed across the train at me "you better look out" while making a gun with her hand at me. then i woke up.

i need to write this dream down.

i just woke up from one of the scariest dreams ever. like, omg. i feel the need to write it down here so i don't forget it.

it all started out at an airport. it seemed normal enough, except some of the planes used indoor combined with outdoor runways. that was odd, but whatever. okay. so i arrive at my location, which is this big city i don't recognize. for some reason, i decide to take the bus to wherever i'm going. on the way, the bus breaks down in the middle of nowhere by this heavily forested area. all of a sudden, everybody on the bus hears this yelling coming from the woods and all of these really loud gunshots. i hear this woman screaming "no! no! don't do this!", but they don't seem to listen and she becomes silent. some characters (the ones responsible for the gunshots) emerge from the woods and see our bus. they yell "oh, there's an entire bus! that's perfect!" then they run onto the bus, start yelling something inaudible, and kill both the driver and one of the passengers. everyone on the bus is absolutely terrified, naturally. they then start whispering to each other about something, and one of them turns around and yells to the entire bus "we're coming around with a clipboard! we'll ask you a simple question, and you'll answer it." since i'm on around the middle of the bus, it takes a while for them to come to me. i observe the terrified faces of the other passengers as the men sit down and ask whatever question they're asking. they finally come to me. the question is "would you rather live confined, never seeing your family or anyone you love ever again or die?" i am obviously very taken aback by this question. i start crying and choose the first option. i take a look at the list of passengers, and it looks like they are taking note of where each passenger is sitting and the choices they made. many chose the first option like me, but some chose to die. after this, we are all taken to this abandoned warehouse looking building and asked to line up according to which seat we were in. there are all of these nooses lined up in rows. for some reason, i have to go first. my noose is abnormally large, and so are some of the others. they tell me to put my arms through the loop before i stick my neck in and they remove the platform i was standing on. i am left in this hanging position.

and then i woke up.... i don't know if this dream will continue or not. but it's so weird and scary.

things i'm not:

pretty, poised, perfect.

more than sometimes, i hate being me.

manic depression

after a myriad 3 hour naps, too much time spent playing the sims, countless vlogbrothers videos viewed (NERDFIGHTERS!), and entirely too many songs/jokes memorized from a very potter musical, it is beginning to seem as if my life is going nowhere. oh, how i pine for 13 (give or take) days from now when my life will suddenly become new and exciting. i haven't started packing yet at all. sweet.

it has been awhile

i type this blog post to you on the backlit, ergonomically correct keyboard of my new macbook pro. i am in love with it. it's definitely the best computer i've ever owned. but enough about my love for apple and their magnificent products.

i'm going to college in a few weeks, much to the dismay of my parents. they're (well, my mom) going to be so sad to see me go. i'm an only child, so they've always been a lot more protective/neurotic than a lot of my friends' parents. i'm nervous, but more excited than anything, i think. i'm so looking forward to the fact that i'll be able to reinvent myself to be whoever i want to be in college. like, it's so large that i can really "put myself out there". i've always hated that phrase: put yourself out there. it's cliche. but it's definitely what i'm looking to do in my definitive college years.

my love life is still as stark and barren as usual, but i have hope for college. i mean, there will be thousands of eligible males to choose from (hopefully all of them won't be drunken frat boys). i think when it comes to having a love-life, i'm semi-retarded. i lack the ability to flirt. like, i'm terrible at flirting. i just don't know how. i hate pretending to be stupid and eyelid fluttery. because i am neither of these things. i'm terrible at knowing whether or not somebody is flirting with me, too. like, i know girls are supposed to be super perceptive about that kind of thing, but i'm just not. i'm just sort of my (awkward) self all the time.

well, this has been a thoroughly random blog post. welcome back, kotter.