when you're on a golden sea

you don't need no memory

hello
i've had a wonderful, busy but fun weekend
buttered noodles

i need

a homecoming dress
a hug
a hello

well another week down the drain of my senior year. fast times at spalding high. it was quite uneventful. next week is spirit week. sweet. i think for "i wish i were a... day" im going to be snow white. for decade day im thinking either pat benetar or (brunette) madonna. im going all out this year for class color day. im talking yellow fishnets. exciting.

but there's a light on in chicago

and i know i should be home.

hello. today i was in some weird happy funk that lasted for the first half of my day. it slowly subsided into a hormonally induced headache which is now making me as grumpy as an old man who can't find the box of andes candies. oh, the joy! this weekend, i watched several wonderful movies. i watched smart people with dennis quaid and ellen page. i heard it sucked, but i didn't think it completely sucked. it was kind of slow in parts, but it was well written. i also watched baby mama and can honestly say that movie didn't make me lol at all. it was all slapstick. i expected more from you, tina fey! i really loved her impression of sarah palin, though. hilarious. i want to grow up to become tina fey. well now i believe i may go watch miss pettigrew lives for a day, a humorous romp through the 1920's. sounds promising. i'll let you know.

i wanna rock and roll all night,
laura

the lion sleeps tonight

I GOT MY SENIOR SWEATER
i feel like a senior now
before i didn't
but now, i officially feel like one
YES
i had a pretty great weekend too
first, my friends threw me a surprise party
and it was well...surprising (they tied me up and blindfolded me. the swine!)
and it was amazing
and they are doves for doing that
and then welcome back was the sweaty, disgusting orgy it always is
and then on sunday, the fam came over to my house
and my 9 year old cousin totally schooled me on super mario kart for wii
oh goodness
i. am. in. a. good. mood. :)

POP! GOES MY HEART.

http://www.variety.com/review/VE1117938309.html?categoryid=33&cs=1
fail.

hello. i've had a terrible day. my left eye (the one without the astigmatism) is really dry and hurts intensely. the pain! and my jaw hurts. on a lighter note, i just learned yesterday that the shows we're doing this year are twelfth night and the music man! i did the music man in 7th grade and i really liked the music. it's very rhythmical and rap-like in places and i like all the over the top characters. one of the songs is even called shipoopi which impresses the first grader in me. booyah. i don't know if i want to do the fall play, though. college apps will be making me crazy enough without a play, i think.

i'm currently procrastinating, listening to katy perry, and wishing i was somewhere else. preferably a beach. i haven't been to a beach all year.

procrastination at its finest.

i just took a gander at my itunes library and discovered some amazingly sweet songs from the '90s. of course, i feel the need to make a list of my top ten (boy band/pop/so bad they're good kind of songs. nothing really good good). oh goodness, i've been watching too much vh1...

1. baby got back - sir mixalot
oh hot damn, this is my jam.
what a lyrical gem. i still think i know all the words.

2. wannabe - spice girls
i still listen to this song sometimes.

3. true to your heart - 98 degrees (i just realized this computer keyboard lacks the little degree circle thing. i am offended. what if i was a meteorologist? then i'd be screwed!)
i remember this was on the mulan soundtrack. i used to be obsessed with it.

4. mambo no. 5 - lou bega
what a swinger, that lou bega.

5. i'll be - edwin mccain
oh goodness.
middle school dances.

6. wild wild west - will smith, dru hill
makes me want to dance.
basically.

7. the cha cha slide - mr. c
ok. so i'm not entirely sure if this is a '90s song or not.
but if it isn't, it should be.
CHARLIE BROWN. lets go to work!

8. hit me baby one more time - britney spears
genius.

9. it's tearin up my heart - nsync
i was always a justin girl.
i still am.

10. never had a dream come true - s club 7
i used to watch their show on fox family all the time.
it was tight.

that was fun.

ps. college apps make me want to cry.

17

well saturday is my birthday
i'll spend it in va helping my mom choose flower arrangements for the funeral...

yeah, it happened. my grandmother passed on tuesday afternoon peacefully in her sleep. it was expected she would go soon but it still took me by surprise. i always knew her to be a fighter. i've gone to school the past 2 days because my parents didn't want me to stay at home and get all mopey. i've just tried every possible way to not make myself look like an emotional mess. i'm very good at holding everything in and not showing that i'm upset about something. i've told people, though, and every time i mention it i guess it gets a hard to keep it together.

i'll be back on sunday evening.

let it out

i've been going through some stuff within in the past 24 hours so i thought it might feel good to let everything out.

im going to have to say goodbye soon
a long time coming
we all know it's coming
your labored breathing
dangerously low blood pressure
doctors, nurses, family, friends know
but i must admit it still devastates me

thinking back...

memory lapse
poor judgement
vivid dreams that awoke you that you thought were real
cold sweats and looks of terror
you called the police
disturbance of the peace
assisted living
nursing home
intensive care facility
"who are you again?"
forgot my name
forgot your son and his wife's names
then came the muttering...
1,2,3,4,5,6
over and over and over and over
are you thinking?
but you can't form words in between incoherent slurs of vowel sounds?
what comes after six?
now i've confused you
the worst part is
when you look into my eyes with a horrifying blankness
you have something to say
but you physically can't form the words

you were once so educated
musical
artistically gifted
at a time when women just weren't educated to be anything other than teachers or nurses
top of your class at duke university
social working
landscape painting
intellectual
people say i remind them of you in your youth
i wouldn't know
because my memory has been filled with the way i've perceived you
at the worst moments of your bout with this terrible disease

i'll miss you terribly
goodbye, me-mom.
rest in peace.

holy shit im tired

hello. i have a terrible (tmj) headache rn and don't know why i'm aggravating it by spewing snippets of my tragic life on to the internet.
but i am, so i guess i'll keep going. when in rome.

im a week into my senior year and i already have a ridiculous amount of homework.

multiple papers/projects/pointless bumper sticker precalc art projects that describe my character.

gag me with a spoon.

i've been playing around with my guitar a lot lately (procrastinating) and have been attempting to write songs.
it isn't turning out so well.
i want to meet julia nunes and steal all her talent so i can become cool like her.
i've watched nothing but america's next top model, shear genius, project runway, glam god, and what not to wear this past week.
i feel like i've learned a lot.
TRUE LIFE: im addicted to fashion television.
you stay classy.