dear everyone who gave me a graduation gift:

i really appreciate your gifts. really, i do. you're all very, very wonderful people and i respect you all. i am very grateful for your generosity. however, writing you all thank you notes nauseates me. writing a cliche 4 sentence letter 30 times in a row, quite frankly, makes me want to punch a cocker spaniel. but it seems that not writing them is a terrible crime against humanity (at least to my mother), and i must press on or risk having everyone's perception me mutilated into a irrecognizable pulp because they think i'm a little ingrate. ugh.