psycho killer

run away

i adore the holidays
i've eaten so much delicious food
and i've done so many fun things
they have left me quite exhausted
like i feel completely drained of energy atm
i got so many cool things for christmas
like rock band 2 and apples to apples and marc jacobs daisy perfume
okay apples to apples could quite possibly be the best game ever
you start playing and you can't stop
like we pretty much played up 2 entire red decks today at our holiday party
today's holiday party was fun
except i made this apple pie and lazily decided not to peel the apples beforehand
and it didn't come out right
i was so angered

current obsession: kiss - prince
you don't have you be beautiful to turn me on.

don't give up on me

i never knew you

i'm so bored

i don't know what to do with myself at the moment
that's what she said
that's what she said jokes are funnier when you have someone to that's what she said with
today was fun
i went to the mall
and i bought a new red dress and a sweet scarf for myself
and i wandered around the mall aimlessly
and now, i'm sitting here on my ass eating some xtra (not extra. xtra.) cheddar flavor blasted goldfish wondering what i can do to make myself less bored
i think i'll go watch some tlc
hopefully it won't be that wacky show about the couple with 17 kids and counting
they scare me

on a great big sled

i wanna wish you merry christmas
ho ho ho

it's 8:48 a.m.
and i am officially on christmas break
hallelujah
this past week was like a tunnel full of zombies i had to kill
like, i could see the light at the end
but there were a bunch of friggin zombies blocking my path to the light
research paper, timeline, marine science powerpoint, gov quiz
and my research paper was the biggest and baddest of all the zombies
but they are all defeated now
and i'm basking in the light
wonderful
now all i have to worry about is which christmas song i'll play next
which will not be "last christmas" by george michael
that song epically fails
words can't express just how much i despise that song
i'm thinkin a little "feed the world" by band aid might be nice
holla

come josephine in my flying machine

i'm flying, jack
i don't think i've ever not cried while watching titanic
it's definitely in my top ten

here comes the sun

it's all right

yours was the first face that i saw

i think i was blind before i met you

i want to get away

she sits on the floor of her bedroom
tea in one hand, ipod in the other
in front of her mirror
the chair is just a foot away
but she wants to watch herself think
as she feels chamomile and eucalyptus flood her soul with scent
and the strains of acoustic guitar flood her mind with ideas
about the coral reefs of yonder
the exotic, distant lands awaiting her arrival
of the endless sky beyond the reach of humanity's structures
and she yearns to escape the bonds of the four walls holding her in
stifling her every thought
while this transpires, she watches her face change from an expression of utter contentment
to that of extreme longing for spontaneity
where is the joy?
the great perhaps?
certainly not here
but certainly somewhere else

this thanksgiving

i've really come to appreciate what i have and thank God for all the blessings He has given me. this year as a whole has really strengthened my faith. without prayer, i honestly don't know how i would have gotten through it in one piece. i've prayed every day for a lot of it. as it draws to a close, i can't help but realize that although i have my trials and tribulations, there are some 6 billion other people in the world whose problems make mine seem miniscule. people are dying of hunger because they can't get a simple piece of bread. people are being killed for no reason at all. people are being given unequal opportunities simply because of who they are. people in this country are losing their jobs in this economic recession right before the holidays. and on this thanksgiving more than any other that i've had the opportunity to experience, i've truly come to realize the importance of being thankful. and i'm thankful for today and all the comes with it.

um woah

i just got my first college acceptance letter
i got a $60,000 scholarship to college
damn

oh me, oh my!

i strongly suggest you go buy taylor swift's new album
girls can relate to it and guys can learn from it
trannies can do a little of both i guess
i went there

asdfjkl;

sup home row

today was pretty okay

i'm getting my hair cut soon

possibly like demi lovato?

yay

extra! extra!

i need to stop falling in love with my radio
melody, harmony, rhythm
it can't give me anything more than 3 minutes of its time
and breaks my heart on a regular basis
but i always return
to listen to the words that flow out of it
even if it doesn't know i exist
the sweet little lines that draw me in
and i fall in love all the same

thoughtful.

iz time for business. iz business time.

2 minutes in heaven is better than 1 minute in heaven
not gonna lie
jermaine is quite attractive

my light is electric

i'm really really really excited.

get money; stay true

i am ridiculously uninspired
and none of my words are rhyming
which is most deff not condusive to sonnet writing
get into it
i'm just tired i guess
and i have a headache
last week sucked
well, halloween was all right
but everything else sucked

sometimes

i wish i were someone else.
i'd like to get off this train because i'm almost positive it's heading towards a letdown.
i'm getting tired of this.
just so, so tired.
feeling inadequate.
feeling unfulfilled.
feeling like a failure.
why are you disappointed in me?
it was never that way before.
what's happening to me?
i wish i wasn't so good at hiding my emotions.
because they just well up inside of me
and come out all at once on days like today.

hormones suck.

let's open up a restaurant in santa fe

It's very, very cold. I don't usually get too cold but right now, I'm definitely cold. Whoever invented plaid flannel pajama bottoms is my hero because they might be the comfiest article of clothing ever. I'm sporting a pair right now with one of my favorite American Apparel V-Necks and my fuzzy Hollister (yes, Hollister) hoodie. I'm quite toasty and comfy. Eat it, Jack Frost. Just eat it!

It feels really strange to use proper capitalization and spelling. I've been doing this "ooh
i
think ima
press enter a lot"
thing for a bit too long. Yes, I'm changin it up.

I wish I was finished with college applications. They fail.
-L

a cinematic vision ensued

i am sick. and it sucks.
i'm SO congested
and i have no voice
like a second ago i tried to say something to my mom
but all that came out was like this ridiculous screechy, squeaky noise
whoever got me sick is losing a digit
j/k
or am i?

because she can never seem to find the words

11:48 pm eastern standard time
12 minutes until i start anew
can't you hear that ticking?
can't you hear my heart beat?
so much to do, so little time

i have terrible writer's block. i just wrote this ballad for school and it took me like an hour. usually, i can write a creative writing assignment in a half and hour and get an a. i just couldn't find words that rhymed the way i wanted this time. so, i ended up writing a poem about a princess and her running away to the sea. i wanted to write something darker with a deeper moral message, but i couldn't think of anything. fail.

take care of yourself, darling.

we all live in a yellow submarine

i can't get your smile out of my mind

this is the music video of my soul. thank you jonas brothers.

come to the acapella dance party

i slept for 14 hours yesterday. i was absolutely exhausted. right now i have that funky "woah i slept for way too long" feeling. retreat was absolutely amazing. probably the most amazing thing i've ever done. i had so much fun and it was fantastic to be able to open up about some things in my life that i don't open up about too often. but, i guess what it taught me the most is that we're all in this together and a lot of people have the same hopes, fears, and sufferings as i do. for 2 whole days, social groups were cast aside for everyone to just come together and be friends. i absolutely loved it. i hung out with so many new people that i never hung out with before. a lot of people proved me wrong. everything about the retreat (except maybe the beef stroganoff the first night) was absolutely fabulous.

also, have i mentioned how much i absolutely adore this? it makes me sad, though. :(

food for thought

I wonder if he was once a dreamer like me,
Staring at photographs on the walls of trendy late night diners,
thinking about the people he’d like to meet
and how disappointed he’d likely be
to realize that history is sick, crude, beautiful,
and likely to repeat.

stolen from william beckett.

GUITAR!

i rock out to i believe in a thing called love by the darkness on a regular basis.

to the extreme i rock the mic like a vandal

light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle

you know what i hate?
cake
i really, really hate cake
i don't understand why people like it so much
it's just really spongy and sweet
and the icing is really sugary
ewwww
really sugary things are disgusting
i've never liked cake
but when people bring me cake, i feel obligated to eat it
because they brought me cake
and that was really nice of them
but i can't just be like, "i hate cake. go away."
they'd probably go cry somewhere
because i mean they were just trying to be nice
and bring me cake
although i probably wouldn't cry if that happened to me
but still
i'd get really pissed off
why is cake like the birthday thing to have?
seriously
maybe i want a pizza with some candles in it
or like a turkey
why a cake, society?
why a cake, world?

currently, i'm...

-listening to every acoustic song on my ipod
-experiencing spirit week withdrawal
-reading looking for alaska by john green when i should be reading dr. faustus
-wishing for summer
-preparing myself to frantically do college apps within the next 2 days
-ready for college

howdy. i didn't go to school today. i have a cold. nice.

when you're on a golden sea

you don't need no memory

hello
i've had a wonderful, busy but fun weekend
buttered noodles

i need

a homecoming dress
a hug
a hello

well another week down the drain of my senior year. fast times at spalding high. it was quite uneventful. next week is spirit week. sweet. i think for "i wish i were a... day" im going to be snow white. for decade day im thinking either pat benetar or (brunette) madonna. im going all out this year for class color day. im talking yellow fishnets. exciting.

but there's a light on in chicago

and i know i should be home.

hello. today i was in some weird happy funk that lasted for the first half of my day. it slowly subsided into a hormonally induced headache which is now making me as grumpy as an old man who can't find the box of andes candies. oh, the joy! this weekend, i watched several wonderful movies. i watched smart people with dennis quaid and ellen page. i heard it sucked, but i didn't think it completely sucked. it was kind of slow in parts, but it was well written. i also watched baby mama and can honestly say that movie didn't make me lol at all. it was all slapstick. i expected more from you, tina fey! i really loved her impression of sarah palin, though. hilarious. i want to grow up to become tina fey. well now i believe i may go watch miss pettigrew lives for a day, a humorous romp through the 1920's. sounds promising. i'll let you know.

i wanna rock and roll all night,
laura

the lion sleeps tonight

I GOT MY SENIOR SWEATER
i feel like a senior now
before i didn't
but now, i officially feel like one
YES
i had a pretty great weekend too
first, my friends threw me a surprise party
and it was well...surprising (they tied me up and blindfolded me. the swine!)
and it was amazing
and they are doves for doing that
and then welcome back was the sweaty, disgusting orgy it always is
and then on sunday, the fam came over to my house
and my 9 year old cousin totally schooled me on super mario kart for wii
oh goodness
i. am. in. a. good. mood. :)

POP! GOES MY HEART.

http://www.variety.com/review/VE1117938309.html?categoryid=33&cs=1
fail.

hello. i've had a terrible day. my left eye (the one without the astigmatism) is really dry and hurts intensely. the pain! and my jaw hurts. on a lighter note, i just learned yesterday that the shows we're doing this year are twelfth night and the music man! i did the music man in 7th grade and i really liked the music. it's very rhythmical and rap-like in places and i like all the over the top characters. one of the songs is even called shipoopi which impresses the first grader in me. booyah. i don't know if i want to do the fall play, though. college apps will be making me crazy enough without a play, i think.

i'm currently procrastinating, listening to katy perry, and wishing i was somewhere else. preferably a beach. i haven't been to a beach all year.

procrastination at its finest.

i just took a gander at my itunes library and discovered some amazingly sweet songs from the '90s. of course, i feel the need to make a list of my top ten (boy band/pop/so bad they're good kind of songs. nothing really good good). oh goodness, i've been watching too much vh1...

1. baby got back - sir mixalot
oh hot damn, this is my jam.
what a lyrical gem. i still think i know all the words.

2. wannabe - spice girls
i still listen to this song sometimes.

3. true to your heart - 98 degrees (i just realized this computer keyboard lacks the little degree circle thing. i am offended. what if i was a meteorologist? then i'd be screwed!)
i remember this was on the mulan soundtrack. i used to be obsessed with it.

4. mambo no. 5 - lou bega
what a swinger, that lou bega.

5. i'll be - edwin mccain
oh goodness.
middle school dances.

6. wild wild west - will smith, dru hill
makes me want to dance.
basically.

7. the cha cha slide - mr. c
ok. so i'm not entirely sure if this is a '90s song or not.
but if it isn't, it should be.
CHARLIE BROWN. lets go to work!

8. hit me baby one more time - britney spears
genius.

9. it's tearin up my heart - nsync
i was always a justin girl.
i still am.

10. never had a dream come true - s club 7
i used to watch their show on fox family all the time.
it was tight.

that was fun.

ps. college apps make me want to cry.

17

well saturday is my birthday
i'll spend it in va helping my mom choose flower arrangements for the funeral...

yeah, it happened. my grandmother passed on tuesday afternoon peacefully in her sleep. it was expected she would go soon but it still took me by surprise. i always knew her to be a fighter. i've gone to school the past 2 days because my parents didn't want me to stay at home and get all mopey. i've just tried every possible way to not make myself look like an emotional mess. i'm very good at holding everything in and not showing that i'm upset about something. i've told people, though, and every time i mention it i guess it gets a hard to keep it together.

i'll be back on sunday evening.

let it out

i've been going through some stuff within in the past 24 hours so i thought it might feel good to let everything out.

im going to have to say goodbye soon
a long time coming
we all know it's coming
your labored breathing
dangerously low blood pressure
doctors, nurses, family, friends know
but i must admit it still devastates me

thinking back...

memory lapse
poor judgement
vivid dreams that awoke you that you thought were real
cold sweats and looks of terror
you called the police
disturbance of the peace
assisted living
nursing home
intensive care facility
"who are you again?"
forgot my name
forgot your son and his wife's names
then came the muttering...
1,2,3,4,5,6
over and over and over and over
are you thinking?
but you can't form words in between incoherent slurs of vowel sounds?
what comes after six?
now i've confused you
the worst part is
when you look into my eyes with a horrifying blankness
you have something to say
but you physically can't form the words

you were once so educated
musical
artistically gifted
at a time when women just weren't educated to be anything other than teachers or nurses
top of your class at duke university
social working
landscape painting
intellectual
people say i remind them of you in your youth
i wouldn't know
because my memory has been filled with the way i've perceived you
at the worst moments of your bout with this terrible disease

i'll miss you terribly
goodbye, me-mom.
rest in peace.

holy shit im tired

hello. i have a terrible (tmj) headache rn and don't know why i'm aggravating it by spewing snippets of my tragic life on to the internet.
but i am, so i guess i'll keep going. when in rome.

im a week into my senior year and i already have a ridiculous amount of homework.

multiple papers/projects/pointless bumper sticker precalc art projects that describe my character.

gag me with a spoon.

i've been playing around with my guitar a lot lately (procrastinating) and have been attempting to write songs.
it isn't turning out so well.
i want to meet julia nunes and steal all her talent so i can become cool like her.
i've watched nothing but america's next top model, shear genius, project runway, glam god, and what not to wear this past week.
i feel like i've learned a lot.
TRUE LIFE: im addicted to fashion television.
you stay classy.

i am delirious.

yes i am.

oh wow

you're welcome.

cause i can't control my hormones.

i have a really big obsession with julia nunes that i had to a lesser extent a while back which suddenly intensified when i rediscovered her today. "who is julia nunes?" well, turtledoves, she is a youtube celebrity known for her quirky covers of songs using the ukulele. but she has her own original songs too so don't think she is just looking for a free ride on n*sync or the foundations' train (some of the groups whose songs she has covered. yes, she is very eclectic. and no, i will not make out with you). her album is on itunes. she is so unique. and i love unique almost as much as i love new york. i crack myself up. plus, she opened for BEN FOLDS. pretty sweet.

anyway, today was spent getting my senior pictures done. i only got the regular cheesy stuff and an outfit because, quite frankly, i really don't like getting my picture taken quite enough to want to pay ridiculous amounts of money to get even more pictures taken. i saw my pictures, however, and they seemed kind of okay. getting them taken was probably the most awk thing ever. i am so bad at following directions especially in relation to moving my neck and just generally not blinking in pictures. i seriously think i have some facial tick. somebody will be like, "move your neck up and your chin down" and it will take me like 5 minutes for my mind to even begin to compute what that means. that isn't even including reacting time. if i ever went on america's next top model (...i wouldn't), i'd be off of it in the blink of an eye. i can just picture miss j looking at me and thinking girls gotta go for her lack of following directions skills and just generally being awk" (except she probably wouldn't use awk, because i kind of am probably the only person that says that. ever. that and jeal). and then he and tyra would probably start singing some song like "girls gotta go". because they do that sometimes. just break out into song.

well, im going to go reimmerse myself in african tribal life right now via the novel things fall apart. i actually really really like it. it is so easy to read and i understand what is going on and it doesn't depress me as much as wuthering heights. it isn't taking me years to read! yesss!

stay classy.

summer hair = forever young.

the worst part of summer is the end of summer. i hate realizing that i have less than a week of pure, unadulterated freedom (which i will probably spend a majority of summer reading) to live completely free from uniforms, eating lunch at 9:30 a.m., and a lack of air conditioning. bummer to the max.

i've been watching a lot of the olympics. i am a really big fan of michael phelps. he is such a hardworking, charismatic, generally good, attractive, amazingly good looking guy. plus, he is from baltimore and will be living in fells point which means i may be hanging in the area rather frequently. SCORE.

i've been listening to the new jonas brothers album (which, even if you haven't liked the jonas brothers in the past, you should give a shot for their more mature sound) and the new tai album, fast times at barrington high. i've been especially obsessed with a song off of that album called summer hair = forever young probably because it is such a perfect way to end the summer. the end of the summer, to me, has always been sort of a solemn time. a time of letting go of all of the carefree to make room for the responsible. saying goodbye to people as they make their way to bigger and better things. so, i guess i'll end this post with a few of my favorite lyrics from the chorus.

I'll never let you go
Don't ever forget
Tell me you'll remember
Forever young
I'll never let you fall
It's not over yet
You and me forever
Forever young
We're forever young

and with that, i'm off to read. you stay classy.